5 Reasons Why Singaporeans Are Single

This blog post was originally published as 'Why are Singaporeans still single?' on Relationship Studio, by Cindy Leong,  Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia

Why are Singaporeans still single?

Got you!

Before you even read another word—and start bombarding us with raging comments on this article—Do allow us to begin with a disclaimer: What you‘re going to read next is for those who are single and wish to find a partner! Sometimes, being single is what you wanted. Yes, being single is not in any way negative!
“We’re happy as we are, if it happens, it happens. What is meant to be will be!”
Sounds familiar?
Whether you admit or not, sometimes we really wonder where is “The One”.
Everyone around you seems to be paired off.
Then, this got you thinking why are you still single?

Maybe it is time to do a little self-exploration, here are the likely reasons:

1: You are a workaholic

You are in a committed relationship with your job!
Not surprisingly, Singapore never fails to make it to top of the list on countries who work the most.
“Living in Singapore is so expensive now where many feel they need to focus on their careers first.”
Many spend their youth chasing after their “life goals”— success in their careers.
By clocking in day and night in the office, how do you expect yourself to meet new people? How about even having the time to go paktor?
If you are not putting yourself out there, you are not going to find someone. Stop dreaming, they won’t appear at your doorstep.
Time wait for no man.
Then, you may unknowingly end up in the lot of the eligible single professionals in their 30s/40s who lost track of time as they are too caught up in their careers!
So, start practicing work-life balance now. Have good time management and know when it is time to work hard and play hard! Go out there and meet new people, don’t be bounded by your job!

2. You are hung up on an EX

“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you’re still thinking about yesterday.”
Yes. Face it.
There is no way you are ever going to meet someone if you are still caught up on your ex. Memories and feelings for an ex will keep you blinded from other potential choices. You keep using the EX as a “reference” or “template”.
Before jumping into another relationship, you have to be completely over your ex. Otherwise; the relationship would be doomed from the start.
Don’t live in the past. Learn from it and move on

3 : Unrealistic Expectations

Yes. It’s great to have high standards. No one should be discounted of what they truly deserve!
If you are waiting for the perfect one to come along, you’ll be waiting for a very, very, long time.
There is no other way to present to you the hard truth but there is actually such a thing as having standards that are too high.
If you are used to nitpicking and having non-negotiable characteristics when looking for a partner, maybe it is time to stop and reflect.
So what are you offering in this scenario?
If you want to find a good catch, you have to be a good catch too! Are you doing the right thing to attract what you want? Or have you been “attracting the wrong one”?
Relationship is not a one-way street.
Did you realize that you are 50% of the equation? If you are a woman with masculinity, you may tend to attract weaker men. However, if weaker men aren’t your type, this is where you have to review yourself. Because, you are keen in the type that may not like someone like you.
You have to also be more accommodating to other’s flaws as you would like them to be to yours.
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

4: Fear of Rejection

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
When people get more comfortable, be it financially or practically, they start to form a safety bubble where it becomes difficult to emerge from.
Fear of rejection is a common stumbling block for those who are still single. If one does not overcome it, it can evolve into a reason to consciously or subconsciously avoid dating altogether. The more you think you want a relationship, the more you are subconsciously pushing it away.
To have a taste of accomplishment, you have to step out of your comfort zone to take risks!
Otherwise, you will just be the usual nice guy and you will be “in a friend zone” for her as other guys woo her away.
DO NOT let fear hold you back, be confident and make the first move!
Do not fear rejection, fear regret more.

5: Too many Back-up plans

Having convinced yourself being single is a good thing?
You feel happy and free!
While a part of you is still longing for a soulmate, you are overwhelmed by fear that you will be alone for the rest of life. Inevitably, your instinctive coping mechanism drives you to devise many back-up plans to comfort yourself that being single is not really a bad thing after all! Then, you start investing in long term insurance plans; retirement plans as if you’re spending your life alone.
VIOLA!
Nothing bad with being prepared but be aware of the tendency to stay lazy.
Having self-reinforced and seen how being single actually has it perks, the notion being attached become less attractive!
Do not spend all of time on coming up with back-up plans, and remain in the comfort zone. Instead, spend the valuable time on your main plan, as well, – finding your lifelong-partner!

Ready to take a closer look at yourself and how you relate to love and sex through your personality type? Check out the upcoming Enneagram masterclass Rising in Love: Self-development through Fostering Mature Relationships organized by Dr. Frederik Coene (Head of Coorporation, Delegation of the European Union to Ukraine (Belgium ) and Cindy Leong, Founder of Relationship Studio and The Enneagram Academy.